What a week; war, famine, poverty, me using two words which mean pretty much the same thing to make my opening line seem more dramatic and purposeful, repetition, war, famine, tired jokes. It’s all out there: it’s all terrible.
So I don’t know about you, but I ain’t half in the mood for a self important, hyperbolic ramble about a lot of things that don’t make any difference in the world but are intended for a moment of slight amusement, but actually turn out to be nothing but another self esteem crushing escapade as I carry on my journey of not being good enough. Now the self importance is over: let’s get down to it.
So, in keeping with the theme of ‘Guilty Pleasure’ movies I’ve started to go with the cheerleader teen flick of Bring It On, as it fits with my desire to perk everybody up, but also because I’m a raving homosexual/ colossal pervert. Delete accordingly to what your gut instinct is to a 19 year old male liking a film about nauseatingly perky cheerleaders saying ‘For real’ and ‘right on’ for an hour and a half of soul crushing terror.
Just to point it out quite early; this is a good film when you’ve watch it with friends. When by yourself it’s just uncomfortable and a little seedy. I know they are all of a legal age but still, the idea of being a greasy old man looking at cheerleaders for his delight becomes too strong and eventually you become that man and start inappropriately touching yourself and licking the ball of hair that you’ve been collecting off the chairs of public transport for 12 years. All in all it isn’t a world you want to be in.
It’s brilliance whilst being watched with a group because it becomes a symbol of unity. A beacon of awfulness that you can rally around and enjoy. Mocking the stupidly clichéd characters, the self-importance (IT’S A CHEERLEADING COMPETITION GOD DAMMIT!), the first world angst (IT’S A FUCKING CHEERLEADING COMPETITION GOD DAMMIT!) and the oh-so-fabulously camp dance scenes. Which end either with your head in hands or with you putting down your freshly braided hair and Ben & Jerry’s and dancing around the room whilst pillow fighting. (It is clearly the first one that happens with me…Obviously…)
All in all, this film is brilliant, it isn’t even that good, the terrible teen speak and repetition of the phrase ‘For real’ annoys you beyond any reasonable thought and actually make you question the motives of the cheerleaders. Their constant assurances that everything is ‘for real’ leads you in to a conspiracy theory type scenario where you believe they are manifestations of your inner self consciousness, and you actually aren’t perceiving them at all and this is all some elaborate hoax within your mind. Actually; correction, you don’t find yourself thinking this is happening, you find yourself WISHING this is happening, so you can wake up and live in a world where this film doesn’t actually exist.
In short: tacky, clichéd, cheesy, deliriously camp. I love it.
Blogs to come: Trailer review of MIB3
Film reviews/game reviews/feature on a film I dislike. Depends which one happens first.
Possible game/film cross over with someone close to me. Might not happen as she believes I’m using it as an excuse to whore her out for followers. Women eh? (Evil cackle)